I mostly mix with people from my region (like people who speak the same mother tongue as me). So thats a quite restrictive friend's circle. Its a small one, but I used to feel comfortable in it. But these days, I find mot of these people terribly irritating. Most of them are from the cities, whereas I am from a small town. The small town disdain always shows in their regular conversations, which I like, totally totally hate. Its difficult to sit through their conversations sometimes these days, let alone participate. Also, there are a few new people in the group, who are like, extreme egotists.
Why is it so difficult for people to have normal, relaxing conversations, without demeaning others etc? And why does socializing need such enormous efforts. I mean its sort of affecting my studies too. I was supposed to do an assignment in the weekend. I wasted the whole time thinking about my obnoxious friends and all. This is so depressing. Maybe, I should change my friends circle. But thats easier said than done. I want to get out of PhD and this place asap, i am kind of tired of this BS.
or maybe a more optimistic thought is to go mix with a lot of other people. That might help. I dont know.
BTW, I am still doing the strip club thing. I spent about $70 the other day in the club. I sort of felt desperate, and cheated. The girl was some old hag, who promised me a few extra frills. She did offer the extra frills, but it was not as great as I thought it would be. The unaffected business like behavior does not turn me on. But I guess I am going back this week too.
WTF! I cant believe I am sitting here writing this. Havent had food. I have stopped cooking at home a long time ago. I survive mainly on Subway etc. I must go get some a subway 6 inch, and complete the rest of the homework. Although I dont feel like doing anything. I feel totally demotivated. No social life, no girlfriend, only dreary work. Well, the work does interest me and I guess that is why I am still surviving. But I am also sort of reaching a breaking point. I am tired of fighting battles alone.
1 comment:
Hey,
Kinda sorta same scene at the grad school here. There are no students in my dept from my state. Don't quite know yet if that's good or not. Anyways, I get along with those from other states, although there is a tighter bond between those from the same state. And my friend tells me that the divide between cool vs study oriented colleges back home, politics.... exists between them. Same story here and everywhere. You are not alone.
Why I am writing this? That's what blogs are for. Providing Unsolicited advice:)
-VJ
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