Okay. There was not much that I could show my advisor at work today. A was definitely not satisfied. She did not explicitly say anything, but I could make out from her answers that she expected more work. The other thing that jolted me a bit was FSP's post about the amount of work that graduate students need to give in.

I need to make certain effective changes to my working order. First of all, I need to draw out a schedule for the week, and try to stick to it. As circumstances change, I should try to update the schedule, and keep track of what went "out of schedule where". Secondly, I need to keep wokring on parallel tracks, so that I get results on thing B even if thing A fails (and C and D and so on).
Also, I need to make a schedule for the day as soon as I come to the lab. This is important so that I do not waste time. Half the time, I don't know what I am doing. I am working, trying to fix things, but at the end of the day, there is not much to show for me. Also,not to mention, I spend a lot of time doing idle things in the internet. Like yesterday, I was looking for Nabokov videos on youtube.

Anyway, the other thing is that I must try to build up from simple stuff. There is no use trying to do complicated stuff and getting frustrated. Also, I should have an idea at each point of time about the results, accuracy etc. that I expect, and I should try to get some data as I go along. probably the pangs of repentance are strong since I have just gotten out of a meeting, but let me make a point of recording this, so that it does not get lost in the recesses of of my mind while I think of other things. I am going for lunch now. I will come back and devise a plan for today after I come back.

Obama rant: No,I did not listen to Obama's speech yesterday. Although it was at lunch time,I decided not to watch it. Mainly because I do not feel like hearing him nowadays. In years, for the first time, I had believed a politician,among many, but it seems to me ,Obama, like many things American (no offence meant!) is just another consumer good, marketed nicely for the American people. His intentions to usher in a chage have in doubt from the first day, since "tough talking, Israel sympathizer" Rahm Emmanuel's appointment. His appointments form then on have become murkier and murkier. Where are the liberals in his team,may I ask? Where is Krugman?
I definitely expected to see someone of that stature and political color as he or Stiglitz in the administration. With all his talk of bipartisanship,I am not impressed. One has to take a political position, and Obama now seems more right of centre, rather than the left of centre image that he has tried to portray in the media in his days as a "phenomenon". More dissapointing, however, is his complete silence on the Gaza issue. With all his talk about a more compassionate foreign policy, this is what he finally does. Complete,complete silence. He now seems to me to be just another pompous fool (clever he certainly is, wise maybe, but no, not compassionate for sure) who knows his way with words, but cannot walk the talk.

Dostoevsky: I am trying to read Dostoevsky, for the first time. I have started "Crime and Punishment". I have gone through the first 40 pages. Looks good, but I would wait to give an opinion. I liked "Sonia is the eternal victim, till the world lasts".

Just wanted to add this, before I go. My life is now centered on work, and reading books (literature that is). I am trying to add the gym thing into it, but no quite working out. Seems too tiring for me. Also, I am kind of feeling the need for a relationship now. and then there's this girl whom I dont like, has fallen for me. She was drunk last weekend, to the point of being wasted, and she almost told me what was on her mind. But, I abhor her to the point, that I cannot have a working social talk-for-a-few-minutes-on - an-weekend relationship with her, let alone a proper "intimate relationship". Why do I get hit on by the wrong girls? This was the problem with my last girlfriend too.

Anyway, there's too much on the plate now. Research wise, or otherwise. Now,let me get some food on my plate to eat!
(Ah, the lunch in the univ sucks!:x)

Why did I stop writing

dont know. For one thing, I was taking a break,during the Christmas-New Year. and then, I had sort of stopped writing for no reason. or rather,I had (have) gone back to the old habit of social networking,which takes up my time in the office. I guess I will try to revert back on Monday. Today is a Saturday. I had planned to work, but somehow, it did not materialize. I can go to the office now. But I have certain other things to look into. I have to wash my clothes.

I am going through a tough time with my PhD. As I have already realized, the PhD was a wrong choice for me. I wanted to do theoretical work. I am more of a sit-with-paper-pen-do math kind of a guy, rather than a make-things-work kind of an engineering kid. Hence, doing hardcore experimental work was a bad choice. Above this, my experimental work, I believe, is tougher than the average PhD. At one point,I thought this was totally impossible. Now,I am getting certain insights, but I still think, there is a long way to go, before I can produce anything in terms of experimental results on this. My ideas are hitting a dead end, I am often hitting my head on the wall (not literally, at least not yet!) and nothing is coming out. Hence, the situation is quite difficult.

I would have shifted to a different PhD. I had tried doing it in my own Department. However, it did not work out. Also, with the economy in a recession, there is no point in applying again, and be left with no PhD.

Things are difficult. I am trying to manage things, but slowly they are getting out of hand. I giess more than a researcher, I have to become a manager at this stage, trying to find out what is the shrotest and most efficient path to a PhD,rather than the ost innovative one. I would probably get a chance to do my more innovative work after my PhD, not during it. I should be going off to wash my clothes, and carry on the normal columns from Monday.

Meanwhile, it is horribly cold outside, and the heating in the room is not sufficient. The travails of a graduate student :(