I come back after a long time. Things have changed somewhat, but the more things change, the more they remain the same. That is the feeling with which I come back to writing this blog again.
I finally managed to complete my PhD in the end of July, or should I say managed to scrape through!
The last few months of my PhD were pure hell, and even that is an understatement. My routine used to be getting up in the morning, going to lab, coming back at night, masturbating to internet porn and going to sleep. This, in the whole depressed state of mind I was in. My advisor stopped supporting me after the fall semester. I had to self support myself from my savings for the summer semester. It was both humiliating (and an indicator that I was unwanted in the lab) and also a traumatic experience, knowing that I was stretching my bank balance, and would be nowhere without a job in the next few months.
I am glad that the nightmare is over. Well, not quite, but I will come to that later. I managed to find a mediocre post doc position. I was and am still not happy with the univ, since it is ranked much lower than my PhD uni, which was in the top ten. I always get the feeling how I have slid down the career ladder, and I can clearly see how people judge that. Anyhow, I am not unhappy with my current job. Its much less stressful, and also it seems I have more independence, though only time will tell how much.
However, trouble still persists on other fronts. my PhD advisor refuses to submit my papers to the journal. they were all in final draft forms when I submitted my thesis. One of them was submitted to a journal, and just needs the legend on a figure changed to publish it. however, she refuses to send it back to the journal. She being the corresponding author, my hands are tied. I do not know if I should submit the other papers myself, and what happens if she does not agree to authorship. Thats a rather uncharted territory, but the non-publication of these papers indicate the end of my academic career. I have made tremendous sacrifices for an academic career, and it is one thing that is very dear to me and also a part of my identity. It is hard for me to see myself anywhere other than the academia. Hence, I do not know what to do now.
Other that that, my personal life is as bad as it can be, straddled with problems. It is a long story by itself. I will write it in a separate post.
